Yes, I went to my parents' for lunch. Actually, I arrived well after lunch, after getting the tire fixed in Woodland. I stopped by on my way to pick up my older son from school, had some time to kill, got fed, chastised and sent on my way.
It started with a complement from Mom. She liked my slacks, a dark grey wool blend cargo pant from JJill. Every time I have on something she hasn't seen before, she turns it into an opportunity to lament how no one ever takes her shopping any more. Not true...I'll leave it at that.
So next we head out to the backyard. She loves to show me her vegetables and flowers. She showed me a potted burgundy chrysanthemum that she kept since last Thanksgiving. I gave it to her. It's flowering again. Mom has quite the green thumb. When the time comes that she has to move in with me, we're going to have to have a small hot house and a raised bed vegetable patch. Just to keep her occupied.
I saw the new young fava beans that are now six inches tall and sprouting enough leaves for a small addition to salads. The leaves of a young fava plant are absolutely the most delicious addition you can make to a salad. I'm mad for it! Last year, we had a huge snail infestation and they devoured my beloved fava beans. I am going to find an effective barrier to those ridiculous little vermin and protect those fava plants!
So then we commenced with the picking of the dandelion greens. This included being taught how to do squats, which I was told will make me lose weight. I guess she forgot that I was the one that taught her how to do them last summer.
(I haven't lost any weight from doing squats, but I can crack walnuts between my knees now...no, not really!)
Then she told me how to cook the greens...her recipe required me to drink the water afterwards, of course. I'd rather not. We came in the house, and she offered to wash the greens and cook them for me right there. This is why I bookend my visits. Otherwise there's an endless stream of mothering going on.
I reminded her I had to go pick up Quinn from school, in about 15 minutes. So she served me a plate of leftover greens and some green bean briam with, you guessed it, okra. Chunks of okra. She dressed the greens with olive oil and squeezed lemon juice on them for me. I ate, making all the appropriately appreciative sounds. Even the okra was good-ish. That's when she started telling me how I shouldn't eat so many vegetables at meal time because I would stretch out my stomach and get hungry later. She also told me that I shouldn't eat anything else today. It was 2:00 p.m. I just ate vegetables for lunch. I hadn't eaten since 7, which was a small breakfast. I'm 5'11". She's 5'1", barely. And she still thinks our appetites should be about the same.
I'm practicing not saying anything to her when she does this sort of stuff. It doesn't matter if I say something or not. Our relationship sometimes finds a gently rhythm, I drop my guard, and she goes in for the kill, usually something about my weight. She can't just leave it alone. I can either choose to pursue it or not. It doesn't matter. Someday, when her memory finally evaporates, I'm going to replace me with another large woman, I will pay her well and I will be happy, in another location. Well, that's the plan I concocted today.
Thankfully Quinn called me and wanted me to pick him up from school. It only took 10 more minutes to disentangle myself from her web of unsolicited advice. She briefly had me cornered in my dad's study when I went back to say my goodbyes.
Do I ever get to be an adult in her presence?
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