My sons have both grown up in an overseas expatriate environment, right up till just over a year ago. It was a charming lifestyle, full of travel and adventure, daily maid service, exceptional education, instant friendships. They never had to work hard at anything, never had to develop ambitions. This lifestyle did absolutely nothing to prepare them for life in the US, as gainfully employed, self-motivated, worker bees. It's starting to take it's toll on my eldest. He doesn't understand that privilege isn't guaranteed for life. He doesn't find value in extra effort. How does one teach that?
There really was no guidance on how to raise children to later be reintegrated into their home society when we moved overseas. I've since read many books and articles on the aftermath of the expatriate child's upbringing, also known as "third-culture kids". It wasn't until we were committed to the overseas work assignment that we were told how these sorts of children have difficulty with maintaining long-term relationships later in life, never feel that they belong, frequently experience restlessness. We also didn't exactly know how to deal with the outside pressures on parenting styles from other expatriate parents while living in a small, closed community. (When one kid got a Game Boy, everyone had to get one!)
So now I'm working at helping my sons get back into modern American life, and it's no easy task! They went from school with low student-teacher ratios (5 to 1) to public classrooms of 32. Some suggested private education at local Christian-based institutions, but those schools' scores didn't show me the value in that. And then there's the provincial nature of the local population...my kids are well traveled! They came back to students spewing their parents' MSNBC or FOX News biased commentary about race-relations, economics and an isolationist world-view. (What information do 6th graders manage to collect about political views on their own? I don't even recall having a political opinion until I started getting a paycheck and voting.)
I'm not sure what I can do for my 18-year-old at this point. Community college seems very much like the TV show to me, somewhere between high school hand-holding and collegiate pseudo-independence, filled with colorful not-so-mainstream characters. Quinn's still hanging out with his high school friends, good kids with higher ambitions. I'm hoping he clings to all his goals and it all works out for him. There's a girlfriend in the picture now. She's so quiet. I have no idea who she is or what her intentions are with regards to my son...I'm so unprepared to be the mother of boy who is sexually active. I'm constantly monitoring their interaction. I'm recalling what I did when I was at the same community college...I'm visibly cringing right now!
I'm hesitant to get Rhyan into 8th grade, with a year of middle school experience before he heads into high school. Middle school is an experience that no one relishes, but I don't see how continuing home school will benefit him socially. It's time to get out there and learn how to interact with other people, how to make the right choices when it comes to friends, how to stand up for himself in certain social situations. That sort of thing is new to me. I didn't get that from my parents, who chose the ostrich method of parenting (if we don't see it, then it doesn't exist in our world and we don't have to teach you how to handle it). They only taught me how to cook and clean and be quiet...fat lot of good that did me!
Interesting, we lived in a expat community with our two children. We came back to Canada when the eldest was 14. I know many people from similar situations. Also many of the people we were friends with in our expat community we themselves expats as children. Certainly an interesting crowd. I have experienced how shallow some of the ideas that float around the public media about the rest of the world. The move was hard on our older child. She has become a cynic about the lies and misperceptions of the gov't and corporations. She has become rebellious, not towards us, but has focused her rebellion to societal injustices and may appear a bit more "counter culture". We support her finding her place in a place she doesn't feel very comfortable in. Our younger child is just so happy to be "home".
ReplyDeleteI first saw your link from the EBT website, then I came here. It would be great connect through those.
My eldest, Quinn, repatriated to an American boarding school in his sophomore year. Two years later he transitioned to a public high school when I repatriated with my youngest, Rhyan. Quinn took to wearing a red t-shirt with a communist symbol on the front, just to differentiate himself from the rest of the crowd. No one seemed offended, and it sparked a lot of discussion in some of his classes. Quinn remains quite cynical about the American political and corporate scene. I'd have to say that Quinn has since created his own brand of counter culture, wanting to remain separate from even the standard counter culture! We're all still trying to figure him out, and he likes it that way.
ReplyDeleteAnd my youngest, Rhyan, is similar to yours. He is such a homebody! He doesn't want to get on a plane, or go on a road trip, even to Disneyland. He just wants to stay home, or go to Target. He's also displaying all the normal attitudinal issues of a 13-year-old now. I could do cycles about that boy every day!